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This is a write-up on misconceptions that is widely spread across many youths in India today and the description of characters in this write-up are not imaginary. This is not to hurt the sentiment of anyone and this does not generalize everyone. Any comment on this write-up needs to be directed only to the author.
We always hear that breakups in relationships are always caused by women .Relationships here I mean both Love and friendship. Lets see the actual fact.
- This is being spared for guys who indeed maintain true friendship with girls.
By fact "More than 60% of guys have friendship with girls looking to propose to her sometime or the other". It is enough for them if a girl smiles at them some 3 or 4 times. Immediately they fall in love (they call so). And even if he does not think so, the friends group around him ,say some 4 or 5 people make him think so by saying "Hey man, she’s looking " And the hero starts dreaming. The guys who read this will know if the above saying is true or not.
There are days where girls have friendship with only girls and boys only with boys .Later this trend changed (and welcome too) as friendship took a new turn where boys and girls started speaking freely.I spare a few guys who maintain that friendship till the end. But all others??
The girl considers him a real friend, a true friend and share whatever problems she has, her sorrows, her joy all to him, considering him a real good friend.
It is natural that any guy thinks if a girl is too close to him sharing all her moments, he starts to think that she is in love with him. You know those girls share all those information with purely no intentions in their mind. He is just her friend and he is the one in whom she believes.
And suddenly one day, the guy goes and says to her "I think Am in love with you". This will be a real shock to her if at all she had no such intentions towards him. So she will decline his proposal. (If at all she does not have a feel towards him)
So what does the guy do then? He thinks his life had come to an end, grows beard, loses concentration and blabber "Love Failure! My love failed" The reason "He has made her the highest priority when she has not considered him even an option"
Why should she? She considered him a good friend only and did he be faithful to that belief?
So do you think if this is his fault or her fault of considering him a good friend? As she has considered him a real good friend, she tries her best to get him back on track. But does he become normal again? No way, he thinks that as he proposed her, she can no longer be his friend as close as before. That's absolutely true. Once any other feeling other than the friendship comes into the mind, it is very difficult to come back to square One. So the friendship breaks off.
Is the girl responsible for this break up?
- The Other Side of it (No Guts to express)
I know a friend who has been a very close friend to a girl who now lives in Pune.They have been such a close friend that they were quoted as "Living examples of friendship" Each and every friends of them felt that they are made for each other but dint express to neither.
The reason? Each thought that they are friends, what will happen if he mistakes if she proposes him and vice versa. So they did not say about this to anyone. As I am his friend, I got to know about this. I even offered to help him by saying her, his feelings. But he stopped me quoting the same reason "Friendship"
Later she got married to some US Return and is now blessed with a kid. Later, he got his marriage fixed and went to Pune to invite her to the marriage. It was at that time she asked him "Dint you ever think there is a lady who has been in love with you for so long???" He cannot control his tears on hearing this from her. But what can he do? Now he lives like a dead man. It will certainly take time for him to come out of this situation.
Is it her fault on not expressing herself to him at the right time? I would say A Big No. As by nature, women are shy and don't express themselves (may be a few).If at all she expresses, then people say she is some kinda girl and such stuff. So she just curbs all her feelings within her. She cant just come out and say to you "I Love You"
But where does the all guts of a guy go to? He boasts "I can handle 3 people in a fight”,” I can handle a 25 member project” and blah,blah. But when coming to expressing his real love to a person whom he really likes all his guts go buried into the soil.
So what is the impact? 2 good friends can't get united in life though both had similar thoughts towards each of them. Is it a loss just to the guy?? No, the lady has suffered the biggest loss of her lifetime. Every lady or the other will have someone or the other whom they have missed in their life one way or the other not being able to express themselves. The guy can share his old life to his wife by saying "I too had my first love and still cant forget her" But can a lady say this so openly to her husband? You know what will happen if she says so.
- Next one is a girl avoiding her friend (or her friend avoiding her ) and his friendship ,once the bridegroom search for her starts.
As both of them are best/close/good friends it is ok with both of them. But will other people accept him as "Manapenn Thozhan"(One who performs some religious rites for the bride during Hindu marriage ceremony) ?? Will the bridegroom be happy if it happens? Wont he think/ask if he is so close to the bride so can be her Manapen Thozhan, what else can be? So they force the girl to avoid him. What can she do? Will she Stand by her friend's side and say "No, he will be there with me?” No Way. But her heart says “He should be there" but how can her lips say?
But my friend, being indeed a good understanding friend of her, understood the problems and went as just a outsider to the marriage and came back.
What does his experience say??
However close you can be to a girl or a guy, once their life starts you must just move away from them (just by distance and not by heart).Instead ,many boast themselves "I am her best friend. I will do everything for her and blah blah" You can still show how much you care for her and her friendship when she is in trouble or when she is happy share their happiness and such stuff."
His heart knows the truth and her heart too. But still he lands himself in trouble thinking sad things always and etc.etc..
This is just once incident. There are other instances where the same things as above occur but the fact that the guy would not be aware of the things. So he thinks that the girl has intentionally avoiding him and blah.blah. He even tries suicide but fail and then become a Devadas as if his love has left him, though it was actually the friend who left him.(Not by heart)
One thing about the guys is that they value friendship more than their love. Not just words but true 100%. Friends mean indeed friends. There is a saying "It is not enough if you have 100 people in your side. It is enough even if you have 1 friend, who is ready to give even his life for you"
I dont stand by the saying that girls and boys can continue their friendship even after their married life.It works well in words but in reality? Reality bites people.
Once a person considers another guy or a girl as a friend, he should even be ready to do whatever he can for him and this is what real friends do and not the friends with intention in their mind do.
So please friends, if a good friend of you avoids you, please don't mistake her. It is her situation that makes her to do so.
And don't ever think that only girls are responsible for breakups and she is the one responsible for you making yourself and your life miserable.
I do know few people who have stood by the stand that they are only friends even when their parents were agreeing to get them married to each other. As I say all this ,I don’t mean to say 2 good friends can be united in marriage too. That can happen of course, if both of them on the same wavelength and both have it in their mind.
When I have seen miserable people narrated above in my life, me too have seen beautiful friendship started to blossom as a great love. But having marriage in mind and start building a friendship? Too bad.
These are not just for the people I know who have been affected, but for all those who are punishing themselves and in turn punishing those who need them to the most.
You can think that he or she is your highest priority in your life, but also just give a consideration to your parents for whom only you are the world.
Thank You.
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